The Intimacy Catch, Balancing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in city locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a prospective get more partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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