The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of destination, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus review on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay men wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important important source for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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