The Sensuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .

But when issues occur, those right here who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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